With a stork delivery just around the corner, Mark is dragged, nappies and all, into the studio for one more ScoutCast before the little time thief bundle arrives. 

Granville keeps his distance, despite getting over the worst of his stinker that had him bed-ridden last week, he finds time to lament his latest "miffed", torment Mark about his belated sale of Victor Moses and gloat just a little about closing the mini-league gap via Clint Dempsey's haul. 

The regulars are all present and partially correct, delivered in husky tones, fuelled by Lemsip. Other cold cures are available. Other chaotic Fantasy Football podcasts aren't.

The first Scoutcast of 2012 is here. There’s no dressing this up, the Episode title tells you exactly what to expect. With consecutive gameweek scores hovering around the two millionth rank mark and “ghost ship” squads passing Granville by, who can really blame him?

A string of unfortunate transfers and an errant injury to an Arsenal centre-back threatens to bring his season down. Mark spends much of the podcast attempting to reassure him – convinced he at the point of no return, whilst simultaneously adding a few sly digs on the 71 points that’s opened up between them. Wouldn't have expected anything less.

The season and the show must go on. In between gripes, they eventually throw in the usual array of regulars and, by the end, there’s even a sense of hope. Happy New Year? It couldn’t get any worse.

Driving home for Christmas, we present you with the festive ScoutCast. Obviously only for those without passengers – we wouldn’t want to inflict this on unsuspecting souls.

A stocking brimming with the usual merriment, the episode comes with the annual added bonus of hearing myself and Mark exchanging “ironic” gifts as an act of “goodwill” one more.

Along the way we deliberate the Robin Van Persie helpline, the revolving doors being worked by Gareth Bale and Rafael Van der Vaart and the perils of double gameweek investment. 

Merry Christmas from the ScoutCast!

The impossible has happened. After five long years, Michel Vorm delivered Granville's first penalty save in his Fantasy Football management career. There could be no question – this latest episode had to be dedicated to Swansea’s Dutch stopper.

Ironically, it follows last week’s outing that found him lamenting my cursed luck. Vorm answered his prayer (or moans – Mark) – the monkey is finally off his back, and he can hardly contain his joy during this week’s session.

Elsewhere, the regulars are scattered around discussing the dubious merits of Jonny Evans, talk a hamstrung Van der Vaart, the shifting goalposts of the Fantasy Island Risk and Mark's quest to win his own Cup competition. The selfish bugger.

Our hosts were struggling this week. Crippled by a cold that was verging on deadly man-flu, Granville made a miracle recovery without the aid of placenta treatment to struggle into the studio to infect/accompany Mark on another podcast.

Ailments were not Granville's only curse; only last weekend his extraordinary run of missing out on penalty saves continued when Tim Krul (no pun intended, but I’ll take it), palmed away Lampard’s effort. Inevitably, he’d left the Dutchman on my bench.

Mark refuses to buy the fact he's missed out on a penalty save for five years, diverting the discussion towards the mini-league gap, chatter on Van der Vaart and debate over United’s plight at both ends of the field.

The usual smattering of regulars are all present and semi-correct – if you can understand a word Granville's saying, you might just enjoy it all.

Use the hand gel supplied and grab the germ-free goods here.

Alternatively, stream away on the handy player below.

Back in blighty, they make a long-awaited return to the podcast studio, armed with a barrel full of "miffeds". Top of list - what happened last week? Granville turns his back and Mark goes and finds himself a new co-host. Luckily, the concept of Mark sharing the ScoutCast airwaves with renowned football expert was quickly frowned upon by the masses, paving the way for Granville's jubilant return.

Such banter is sprinkled around the ScoutCast regulars, as they turn their backs of the high-brow discussion of last week's outing, to plunge the depths of Fantasy football nonsense.

Granville may have left for sunny shores, but while he’s sipping on his cocktails, pondering how to juggle his Man City strikers to ensure they miss out on points, I’ve laboured on without him.

I say laboured, what we have this week is possibly the first “grown up” podcast we’ve ever produced, as I chew the fat with an actual football expert, rather than my regular Mancunian pretender.

Renowned football writer, Jonathan Wilson, joined me for a chat, just a week after his latest work – the Brian Clough biography “Nobody Ever Says Thank You” hit the shelves.

We inevitably talk Clough, discuss the theories behind the Premier League’s goal explosion, the plight of Wilson’s own beloved Sunderland and, of course, pick apart Jonathan’s own Fantasy Football team.

Wilson’s own labour of love – The Blizzard – is also on the agenda. The quarterly magazine captures some of the best football writing around, delivering in-depth and leftfield articles, ignored by the mainstream football media.

Yes, that's right, crazy talk. There's a lot of it about in this week's ScoutCast episode - most of it originating from Mark's chattering. Transfer in three defenders for a four point hit? Spend big money on Leighton Baines, dumping last season's top Fantasy scorer? Has he finally lost the plot?

This is what an international break does to you. Suffering from cold turkey and with two free transfers burning away in the pocket, a Fantasy manager has to fight the jerky knee. In Granville's moment of madness, he even finds himself trying to talk Mark out of his hasty moves.

Listen in on the lunacy, accompanied by the usual regulars, accompanied with another excavation of that Robin Van Persie assist - they just won't let it lie.

Just like the Dutch duo of Van der Vaart and Van Persie, they scoutcast team keep on delivering, week in week out. With over 60 episodes under their belts, they've almost got the hang of it, the banter now nearing the levels of Compo, Foggy and Clegg. Another 300 episodes should crack it.

Like the Sunday night sitcom anti heroes, once again they deliver the regular formula. A mini-league round-up, a miffed, the "all aboard" sift through the bandwagons all leading into the weekend preview.  Then they both roll down a hill in a bath tub.

It's all here. Apart from the last bit about the bath tub.

Following the weekend result at the theatre of nightmares, Granville finally finds the enthusiasm to pick himself off the floor, dust down and into the studio. As expected, Mark isn't too keen to let things pass unmentioned.

Granville quickly switches the discussion to his 70-point weekend. A happy man with a Van, with smatterings of Suarez frustration and Dzeko regret thrown in.